Silent Din

To you, my Friends...

2009-01-31T23:17:00.001-08:00

I realize I am late, on the very edge of the time appointed.

I know that this message must be shortened if I am to fulfill my vows to you.

I understand that you are an intricate part of my life, and that I must make better provision for you in my life. "I am responsible for my rose..."

Dear and Dearest friends,

My world is changed and changing. My mind grows clearer and clearer. My time becomes busier and busier. :P And now, joy abounds as never before.

I am seeking to learn, and led to teach. I am learning to seek, and so I find. I am finding Love, and offer it freely as it was given me.

No more questions. No more doubts. No turning back.

Love is in me.

I am in Love.

Preparing the Soil: Day 1

2008-06-23T15:31:00.000-07:00

Today I decided the time had come to begin working in my parent's garden. This garden does not belong to me per say, yet through my labors today many lessons about myself and the work that I (with the help of God) am trying to accomplish in my heart were revealed to me.

When I was 15 or so my father and I set about to build a wooden fence around our property in Florida. Around that time... well... let's say I wasn't quite so enthusiastic about yard work (especially when there seemed no direct benefit in sight for me). I already took care of the lawn and various arranged plants, so the prospect of digging the 26 or so post holes had no appeal to me.

I did it anyway. I didn't really have a choice in the matter.

The soil was pretty loose (Florida soil is mostly sandy) and came out of the top relatively easy as I stabbed into it with the pole digger. But when I started getting near the depth required (about 2 feet), most of the dirt would fall back in and I would get frustrated and complain a little to myself: wishing that it wasn't so hard or thinking of what fun activity I COULD be enjoying instead of digging these uncooperative holes.

In a few days the process was over, with every hole the proper depth and width, and I was free to do as I pleased until the next bit of landscaping project my parents had for me. I didn't realize then how easy I had it... at least not until I began in the garden today…

Before I began my work, I looked over the large garden plot thinking, “Yeah, I could get a good amount of this done today. It’s not so bad.” I grabbed the bow rake and pounded its teeth to the dirt, expecting the soil to give way as I pulled. To my disbelief, it had hardly penetrated the soil. I pounded and pulled over and over, but each time the teeth did not sink in more than an inch, and the weeds held tenaciously to the un-movable dirt like barnacles on a ship.

As I continued working the soil inch by inch, pulling the weeds as I gained ground, I thought about my life. At first glance, striving for improvement on my own never seemed to get anywhere; and when I tried to reach out to others for help, all they seemed to do was point me back to what I had started by myself. For some time I considered myself “good enough” and put my efforts into hobbies, games, work, and building my social life: all without real consideration of what God’s desires were for me. After living this way for years, I imagined the soil of my heart could be compared to the rocky, indestructible soil between my feet.

Bad habits in speech, thought, and action could be compared to the weeds whose thick roots penetrated deep and over wide spaces. They were everywhere. The whole plot, which had once been well tilled, teemed with them. Only the strawberry plants managed to keep a foothold, but they held very little earth.

At this thought I put my back into the labor all the more, hoping that through this adversity I could still succeed to clear a good portion of the land. After some time I looked down at my hands. Every knuckle glowed red, and though my palms were covered with dirt, they were sure to be calloused. After weeding and clearing a 5 x 5 foot area, I looked back at the rest of the plot. It now seemed to stretch for miles. I didn’t understand it when a little voice in me said, ‘That is enough for today.’

“NO!” I cried, “There is so much more to be done, and I feel I have not done anything at all!”

‘The bramble’s work of years cannot be changed in a day, nor can the eternal soil be prepared in a day by human hands.’

I pondered that reply. Recovering from illness as I was, I knew that I could not accomplish much more in the garden at the time. However, the words also rang clear in my life experience. God doesn’t snap His fingers and make us sinless and pure. That isn’t how He operates. God works at the stony soil of our hearts inch by inch, pulling up our little faults and revealing the roots of the sins we have long cherished. Day by day he reveals to us more about ourselves, and continues to ask, “Will you surrender this to Me today?” As we do, he pulls it up, and moves on to the next, removing the smaller roots along the way.

God has the power to change us. We need to be softened and subdued by His hands, daily allowing Him to root up all selfishness and bitterness and pride that pollute the soil where much fruit could be born. It is my prayer that we become workers with Him in this course, so that we may be strengthened to work in His fields near and abroad.

The LORD is my Shepherd

2008-06-21T14:47:00.001-07:00

Many people have memorized Psalms the 23rd chapter. It is put on door posts, in works of art, repeated in the theater for dramatic effect. Yet for all these things, I wonder... Do people really take to heart what it means?

Today after the church service, after I finished the fellowship meal, I sat down in the sanctuary to ponder these precious words.With them, a sense of relief showered over me; I felt that it would be beneficial to share these thoughts with you. Taking it in bit by bit, I was richly blessed.

This passage describes the state of those who surrender all aspects of their lives to God and His leading. I pray that it will be the experience of you all.

1. The LORD my God, the Ruler of the Universe, Creator of the Heavens and the Earth and all in them, Redeemer of the Human race,

is my shepherd; He is a Person who protects, guides, and watches over us: His sheep.

I shall not want. My every need is supplied. I am not lacking in anything that I require for life and happiness because of Him.

2. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: In Him I find comfort and peace and rest to my soul; never worrying, neither anxious, nor fearful. He is near.

he leadeth me beside the still waters. I am not alone in my daily walk; He himself leads me in paths of peace.

3. He restoreth my soul: Where once I was broken, wasted, and coming to rust; He came and made me new, whole, and useful.

he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Not only for my benefit, but with the vindication of Love's true nature throughout the Universe does He lead me on to righteousness.

4. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Though He might lead me through times of trouble, into difficult situations, and circumstances I may not understand...

I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me; Wherever He leads, I can trust that He will see me through it all. I need not give in to doubt, confusion, or fear.

thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. His staff of protection is over me; His rod points me to where I should go. I need not fear the wolves.

5. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Those who would do me harm are constrained by Him; they and others may look and see how He richly bless me.

thou anointest my head with oil; He has called me to be His son: a prince, the child of the King, after His own heart.

my cup runneth over. I could not measure the blessings wherewith He has blessed me. I have all I need, and am blessed to share them with others.

6. Surely goodness His perfect will for my life, that is designed for the benefit of all...

and mercy His grace and forgiveness for where I have lacked...

shall follow me all the days of my life: These things are always with me through He who loves me with a Perfect Love.

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever. I will live my life in His presence, allowing Him to lead and trusting in His strength and wisdom always. In this, I may be satisfied for all of time.

Amen

All I Am

2008-06-07T19:26:00.000-07:00

While I dream... as I work... when I silently concede to be led... as I speak words of encouragement...

Many times I've felt impressed by God that I should be a leader to His people; one who speaks and directs boldly, one perfectly willing to be a living example of faith, one bearing responsibility in times of crisis... a hero, a teacher, a savior, a guardian.

With shame I admit that this premonition has often been ignored. Sometimes the excuse is, “I can hardly speak to people I know, much less strangers LORD.” Other times it’s, “LORD, I’m not prepared. I don’t know enough to say anything intelligently.” Sometimes there’s a bit of truth: “LORD, I have not been faithful. I don’t want to cast a shadow of doubt in anyone’s mind about Your Word,” or “I have not acted the part of a leader by example in my deportment or put the effort into Your Work that You have enabled me to.” What I’ve really been saying to God is, “No. I admire people like that, but there’s no way I’d become what you’ve been calling me to be. How can I trust You’d actually be with me anyhow?”

“The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

People of all walks of life aspire to achieve great things, but often lack the determination and resolve necessary to accomplish their goals. Other times, they just want to go their own way… I’m sure a little of both scenarios troubled my walk. Through all of my doubts, all of my shortcomings, all of my trials, and all of my little victories, I have learned these things:

I have found that for all I am, for all I have been, and for all that I could be; without the LORD, I am nothing. If the LORD is not first in my heart, in my life, in my eyes, and on my tongue; I will become nothing. If I do not acknowledge what the LORD has already done for me in my world, how he has changed me throughout my lifetime and prepared me for things to come; I am worse than nothing: a hindrance to my fellow man. And now I must speak, because I cannot withhold the words from their utterance.

I have walked silently, allowing sin to fester in my heart and in the hearts of those around me. I have tasted of the wine of Babylon, and it has not satisfied my thirst. I have lived in a society that exalts evil and shuns compassion. I see it dying and have only now stopped to see where I have been led and where I am leading others. This day, I commit myself into the hands of my God who has called me to walk in His way, to work in His field, to speak only His word, and to prepare the path for others whom He will call.

I pray continually for the strength to follow these convictions.

Amen.

Present Days

2008-06-04T08:52:00.000-07:00

A great many things have been going on lately in my life; and because reporting is the purpose of perhaps 50% of blogs, I thought I should do some.

This past Sabbath I went to a family campmeeting nearby. I traveled alone, but still got a great blessing. Many subjects I had been studying on my own were brought out and expounded upon and put into greater perspective. The meetings were a great blessing.

One thing troubled me slightly: a girl who stood on the stage, waiting to speak with her family, greatly resembled a friend from my past. She was certainly not that friend, but perhaps Providence proposed that I resort to prayer for this person... I can only hope she is well and learning to love the LORD more each new day.

The economy has been slip-n-sliding down the tubes, but I praise God that He has helped me to find work that will keep my head above water. I've been working with a building crew who is currently working on the addition to my parent's home. Mangled knuckles greet me most evenings, but I enjoy working on my feet and learning what I can about the relations between architecture and actual construction. There are many more things to consider than I had first thought, and I'm grateful for the experience. I've been sleeping a LOT better as well.

I am thankful too for a friend, who has become dear to me, who has inspired, appreciated, and understood me in words and ways that I deemed impossible long ago. I hope and pray that I will one day soon be prepared to meet her face to face. There is so much more I want to be before that day, and so little time left for my Earth. Thank you friend, for being a light within it.

Back to work! More news later… maybe.

The Beatitudes and the Way

2008-05-22T08:59:00.000-07:00

I have learned that, in study, it is better to have a thorough understanding of a single passage than a superficial knowledge of entire chapters or books. To fully possess even a small portion of God's Word for oneself is a great blessing to the individual and to all whom he seeks to impart it. For this purpose I write to you today.

Many of us have read and pondered the Beatitudes and believe we have a thorough understanding of them. I myself thought that at one time. However, the real treasure in the Scriptures is found by deep searching, comparison with like text, and in its context (see Isaiah 28:9-10).

In my life, growing up in a professedly Seventh-Day Adventist home was difficult. A true SDA is known for keeping the whole Law, reflecting Christ in his/her character, and taking the gospel of His kingdom to the world. As I beheld Christ in His Word, I could hardly call myself a Christian (one "resembling Christ"). I never truly understood how to be one. Many “do-not’s” and “should-not’s” created plain boundaries; but this would not satisfy my heart. I knew no fair-weather "Christian" or person merely desiring righteousness would stand faultless in the Day of Judgment. Psalms 51 was my prayer, because my sins were "ever before me." Inside I was broken, and no remedy presented itself in the words of men. Little did I realize my feet were already on the path to life. "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." John 14:6. Seeking Christ, we shall find Him; and having found, beholding Him we will become changed. The Beatitudes, which affirm the Christian's reward, are the stepping stones to true Christianity.

"Blessed [are] the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:3.

Who are the poor in spirit? For what cause could they deserve the notion that the kingdom of heaven is in their grasp? The poor in spirit have taken their first good look at Christ, and begin to compare His life and character with their own. Those who have a realization of their condition, men sold under sin, feel their inward condemnation and begin searching for hope. These are the poor in spirit. They are turned from the "counsel of the ungodly" and desire freedom from sin. Without this desire, awakened by the working of the Holy Spirit, no one could approach the kingdom of God. But if they continue in this path, this promise may take its complete fulfillment in their lives.

"Blessed [are] they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4.

At some point in their lives, everyone mourns. It is inevitable in this world, corrupted by sin and stricken with death. But what mourning provokes the blessing of God? That mourning which draws us nearer to Him; the mourning for sin in our hearts. This should not be confused with mourning the consequences of sin, because God made this plain to us from the beginning; re-expounding them over and over throughout history. We must find a need for and trust in God to "create in {us} a clean heart, and renew a right spirit" in us daily.

"Blessed [are] the meek: for they shall inherit the earth." Matthew 5:5.

What is meekness? In James we are admonished this way, "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20. Humility is found when a person continues to look in themselves and again to Christ. Pride, which is often the source of conflict, has no place in the heart. He/She recognizes that all of humanity shares the same affliction, and has less of a regard for his/her exaltation in the sight of others. Slowly, we are learning to add to our faith (our hope) virtue.

"Blessed [are] they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled." Matthew 5:6.

What does it mean to hunger and thirst after righteousness? How do we do this? By walking in this path we are drawn nearer to God, and desire His presence more in our lives. We must come to a place where we seek God as we would physical nourishment. It becomes a necessity for our lives as our food and water. We must partake of it daily; have a daily experience with Christ to survive. Praise God, we have this promise: "And ye shall seek me, and find [me], when ye shall search for me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13.

"Blessed [are] the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy." Matthew 5:7.

As we continue beholding Christ, we become more like Him; obtaining a knowledge of His great love. His hands were ever outstretched to the needs of humanity, His mouth filled with blessing, His heart filled with compassion. Finding courage in our hope, we find a desire to bless others as He did. He has forgiven us for our sins and taken upon Himself their consequences. Should we also be ready to forgive others who sin against us, or bring kindness to the downtrodden?

"Blessed [are] the pure in heart: for they shall see God." Matthew 5:8

Where before Christ was knocking at the door; now He has found a home in your heart. Where before your preconceived notions and selfish desires hid His light, Christ shines out of you. This is the final result of submission of the will to Christ. Here we are His. As Christ finds a home in us, so is secured our heavenly home. We shall behold our LORD face to face.

"Blessed [are] the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God." Matthew 5:9

Christ possesses an eternal love for all of His creatures; fallen man most of all. A heart filled with the love of Christ will do the work of Christ: helping to unite in peace man with his brother, and with his God. We will encourage others in the Truth and show them the road to lasting bliss. We will truly be the salt of the earth, giving others a foretaste of heaven. We will be lights to the world, guiding men to their Savior.

"Blessed [are] they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are ye, when [men] shall revile you, and persecute [you], and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake." Matthew 5:10, 11.

The life of Christ was not one of ease. He suffered and by the hands of those whom he lived to save; should it be surprising that we should share in these afflictions? But still, His promise is peace. "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." John 16:33. A child of Christ will be reviled because of the envy and unbelief of men, but he/she will find peace in doing the will of God and hold the token of a clear conscience. "For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding [and] eternal weight of glory." 2 Corinthians 4:17.

Praise God! He has shown us the Way and will walk with us at each step; for as we "draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to {us}." Today we may choose to walk in His way and be blessed. I pray that He will continue to lead us into His truth this and each day of our lives.

Amen

Industry, Charity, Faith, Hope

2008-05-19T13:25:00.000-07:00

I'm awake.

Limbs functional.

Eyes functional... mostly...

Lifting torso and head... check.

Kneeling for prayer... check.

Initiating frontal lobe...

"Heavenly Father,

"Thank you LORD for the new day, and whatever it may bring. Thank you for watching over my loved ones, acquaintances, and all of Your people. Please continue to guide us in Your truth, and teach us to walk in the way that we should go. I praise You this day, for in You I Hope.

"I've been thinking for some time about my work in this life. Thank you for helping me to begin my own design business for my immediate needs. I truly appreciate it and know that as I give diligence I will prosper. But is this the work I should be doing today? Will this knowledge that I am gaining mold me into a man who can lead Your people when life as we know it changes for everyone around Your world? Will it make a difference in a world without electricity or desire for aesthetics? Your people will need a knowledge of agriculture for their food, construction for their dwellings, and heavenly principles for their lives. My greater knowledge on these subjects has been purely on paper; worthless perhaps, without experience. Can I call myself a Godly man in spite of this? Should I today lessen my work in one industry to give room for that which is will further my work for You in another?

"As I am, what is my worth to those who I wish to benefit? Will it be measured in my ability to calculate the load of another? Or perhaps in my reasoning skills? Surely not. Thank you for blessing me with a mind that is able to expand into a great diversity of fields and hands that are not strangers to heavy labor. But how can I show my love for my family now or hereafter as I am? If it be Your will that I have a family of my own, what of our home? Shall I love them purely through affection and teaching? These hands and this mind; with all that I have and all that I am I wish to glorify Thy Name and truly be the priest and house-band in my home.

"I know LORD, that your timing is perfect and all things are possible with You. In Your time You are able to prepare me for the times of trouble ahead and for each passing day. Help me to trust in You for all knowledge, experience, and training to make my home a foretaste of heaven this day. You are my Hope, my Savior, my Teacher, my friend. Give me the patience to wait for Your bidding, the experience of living justly, and eyes set only on You. Guide Your people, for we have not followed in Your straight paths but have walked in our own foolishness. Lead us, dear Shepherd. Help me to walk with You this day. Thank you for the gift of Your Son, who gives us a Hope for tomorrow, dear Friend.

"Amen"

It's a new day... now onto living it.

The Worth of a Man

2008-05-14T20:38:00.000-07:00

O fellow sojourner in this darkened world, why should you lie in misery? For what cause shall your marrow be dried up within you by your spirit’s distress? Why, in your eyes, should your life as a vapor fade into nothing? Be still. My friend, shall I tell you of your worth?

To what shall I compare the worth of a man amongst a throng of men? Men ruthless and tender, brawny and weak, hypocritical and transpicuous: each follows his own path in this world, darkened by the sin in his heart. They walk here forgetful, loving but little, strong in self-interested joy. How shall I judge you by men of this world? Are you not esteemed or as worthless as they? Who is worthy of honor or praises of men when a man just the same as another? Ah yes! For pursuits and for trophies claimed, the worth of a man might be weighed. Yet for all the world’s riches and fame ‘cross the land, no fulfillment in trinkets does lay. No gold, silver or diamonds could but brighten a coffer or grant burdens of envy and shame. A high house full of servants, approval of princes, all trophies: they come and are spent. All existing outside us our hearts give the weight of value or odium bare.

To what shall I compare the worth of a man, in tales both fiction and true? One’s deeds surely shine as a star to another, and others are chaff in the wind. Great heroes, all valiant and prideful and strong, inspire the eye of the humble. Yet the humble man’s heart, so wonderfully rare, may arouse the respect of the great. In fiction subduing a beast or a kingdom or winning a fair maiden’s heart are as common as clouds in the sky. But we marvel and worship the conqueror brave. Consider what fantasy lives to the true; compare it with life in your heart. What can be compared to the passion, adventure, and risk in one real human life? Each has giants, depraved powers and self he must face and conquer without sword or spear. Seeking allies on the journey and vigilant of foes the true man daily braves the dark world. You my friend are no different. Each day the world gives a new challenge to meet, and this day yours sorrow and pain.

To what shall I compare the worth of a man, whom the Limitless King has most prized? Our world is a marble that spins in His hand, yet within it His most cherished gems. Each darkened man’s soul is a treasure so dear, no effort or endowment was spared. All was given to win you, the best gifts of heaven: the Infinite Son, your victories won, and the choice to be free or enslaved. You, whom the King does adore, have worth so much more than your darkened awareness could tell. Omnipotence, the universe, all things and all time are not this day more precious than thee. All He would sacrifice, nothing too great, if your life might find peace and true ecstasy. Behold here is your worth in the eyes of the LORD, unchangeable for all of time. Without price, without measure, or limit or reserve: you are most valued of all.

Beautiful Subconscious Lies? #1

2008-05-10T21:56:00.000-07:00

Whenever I sink into my pillow in peace, as my mind is settled and my heart firmly clings to its Hope, I walk once more in a world apart; yet as familiar to me as the one I left behind. Perhaps composed of a fragmented past, recycled thoughts or an unforeseen future, this world of my dreams grows and fixes its own impress in my memory.

It is not a realm of fantasy, as some have known their night imaginings. Very few differences exist between it and our reality. Many rules and natural laws remain unbreakable, and the supernatural is still just that.

In this place there are people as I have known them, and many perhaps I have yet to meet. One in particular has walked with me often since the world took form in my youth; since the darkness of nightmare's netherworld had passed; and towns, cities and countryside stretched across my mindscape and covered the dungeons and sewers below. This child had no name, as I. Known only as a dark haired girl; she waltzed around in the world of my subconscious, without a worry or care in her crescent-moon eyes.

Having lengthy chases seemed her favorite pastime. We sprinted over the land till it ended with my catching her or losing my way. It was certainly an easy thing to lose when the world was our playground. Sometimes I was distracted by extraordinary (but many times improbable) architecture of the places we passed through. Other times I found myself being chased as I gave chase, or attempting new feats possible only in that world. But she ever ran before me, her laughter goading me on…

Ah, The Wonderful World of Blogging

2008-05-09T13:50:00.000-07:00

Before any long winded discourse, witty speeches, or lengthy bit of prose, I thought it best to greet you.

Hello reader. Nice of you to drop in. Please take your fill of the unuttered hullabaloo and feel free to comment as you find voice.

You are ever welcome here. Enjoy your stay.