Many times I've felt impressed by God that I should be a leader to His people; one who speaks and directs boldly, one perfectly willing to be a living example of faith, one bearing responsibility in times of crisis... a hero, a teacher, a savior, a guardian.
With shame I admit that this premonition has often been ignored. Sometimes the excuse is, “I can hardly speak to people I know, much less strangers LORD.” Other times it’s, “LORD, I’m not prepared. I don’t know enough to say anything intelligently.” Sometimes there’s a bit of truth: “LORD, I have not been faithful. I don’t want to cast a shadow of doubt in anyone’s mind about Your Word,” or “I have not acted the part of a leader by example in my deportment or put the effort into Your Work that You have enabled me to.” What I’ve really been saying to God is, “No. I admire people like that, but there’s no way I’d become what you’ve been calling me to be. How can I trust You’d actually be with me anyhow?”
“The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
People of all walks of life aspire to achieve great things, but often lack the determination and resolve necessary to accomplish their goals. Other times, they just want to go their own way… I’m sure a little of both scenarios troubled my walk. Through all of my doubts, all of my shortcomings, all of my trials, and all of my little victories, I have learned these things:
I have found that for all I am, for all I have been, and for all that I could be; without the LORD, I am nothing. If the LORD is not first in my heart, in my life, in my eyes, and on my tongue; I will become nothing. If I do not acknowledge what the LORD has already done for me in my world, how he has changed me throughout my lifetime and prepared me for things to come; I am worse than nothing: a hindrance to my fellow man. And now I must speak, because I cannot withhold the words from their utterance.
I have walked silently, allowing sin to fester in my heart and in the hearts of those around me. I have tasted of the wine of Babylon, and it has not satisfied my thirst. I have lived in a society that exalts evil and shuns compassion. I see it dying and have only now stopped to see where I have been led and where I am leading others. This day, I commit myself into the hands of my God who has called me to walk in His way, to work in His field, to speak only His word, and to prepare the path for others whom He will call.
I pray continually for the strength to follow these convictions.
Amen.
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